The Last of My Twenties

The transition of the teenage years to the twenties..
The struggle of studies, of family, of relationships, of working life..
So much done, some under achieved.
The rest not thought of.

The beginning of the three O.
Life is a hell of a roller coaster.




*****

The joy that comes with the challenges

Work has been hell..
Honestly speaking,
I've never come across such heart attacking and breathless moments in a job.
Every minute, every second..
I'm living on the edge.
Delays in the past have never been so much of an issue..
But now,
It is deemed extremely unacceptable by the target-driven Japanese.
Supplier delays aint my fault, but I have to get my facts and countermeasures right.
We are often asked to explain the situation supported with black and white.
What have we done, how has it been done, why did we do that..
Especially when revenue is concerned..
Thirty interlinked items per product family per country.
So three products, ten countries..
The permutation rolls.

Three hectic months have passed and continued..
Surprisingly,
I enjoyed most moments of it.
With the challenge comes the kick.
The tremendous stress is there, but I felt the satisfaction more than ever.
Only with such hiccups do we yearn to make things better.
There will be no change if there are no storm.
Human beings are but lazy.


*****

Pressure Cooker

Drudgery once again..
A kind of suffocation somehow different from the past.
The brain supercharged itself with no avenue to let off steam.
This stress level is teary and hard to bear..
But indefinitely groomed me.

After the rain, you'll see sunshine
But after sunshine, there bound to be rain again.
Immediately after the trip,
Cant breathe at all.
I dont remember what I ate for breakfast
I dont remember where I went for lunch
But I remember every single email I need to follow up.
My dreams consisted of numbers..
My nightmares contained excel files.
I dreamt that I sat in a cylinder ride that plunges without safety harness..
Cant sleep at all.

Classes starting again..
Two colleagues down
Closing month,
Kaizen coming up..
Wish me luck.

*****

H&M

The H&M Singapore website is really smart in a marketing sense..
The looks I've put together =)

Breathe

Just finished a paper.
Coming close to an end of another module.
This was the subject that made me decide to take this course.
But it is also the course that magnifies the stress I'm going through now.
The way the lecturer conducts his class, the assignments due every class, unclear instructions, submissions and resubmissions..
As the weeks go by, the class size becomes smaller.

Now going back to another project.
Found it so ridiculous that it was my fault for someone else's deficiency in IT skills.
Who would do project research by presenting so many hard copies of statistics and not saving the links to those data?
Who would do research and not knowing where they obtained their data?
Who would do up a power point presentation and then scan the hard copies of data into the slides?
Burnt my entire weekend just to reach class and feel the tensed atmosphere in class.

Last day of every month
Forecast submission.
Tenders and more tenders.
The sales dept gained at the expense of the supply chain group.
We would get a seizure every time we run into stock constraints..
260 units, 40 units, 28 units, 17 units now another 12 units.
Each of these units are not to be fulfilled as the base model SKUs.
They come with bill of materials.
So let's just multiply them by the respective numbers.
Then come with subsidiaries who did not inform you of the tender and demanded that you support them.
I have not seen the evening sun for the past one week.
I have been gorging myself silly not knowing what I ate.
This time no one asked me to finish up reports or whatsoever.
I just had to stay back to get things going smoothly.

I dont remember why I was so keen to work in a warehouse when I first graduated.
I must be seriously disillusioned?

*****

Words, thoughts never ending

It's been a month.
All right so far..

Old assumptions busted, new paradigms formed.
There was no time to surf the net..
Personal mail sites are blocked.
They gave out a list of programs that you are not allowed to install..
Practically out of touch.
Though I felt like I'm working in recluse..
I looove the $2.50 lunches..
I love being surrounded by fresh and colorful fruits..
I love the shorter travelling time.
Whenever I felt I need a break..



I like the new working environment minus the humanely inefficient work processes.
I have never seen so many Excel reports all over the place.
They really need Qlikview.
And I never knew I could feel so frustrated with messy files.
They seriously need to speak English and come out with a proper training program.
Just like the messy files, training was all over the place.
Or perhaps..
I wasnt a good student to begin with.

24 hours a day
Aint enough.
They told me I only need OT till 6 plus 7 during the last week of the month.
So damn true with that..
(Roll eyes)
Daily OTs doing reports that are not urgent for other external customers but for the manager herself -.-
Then rushing off to class..
Did my assignments on the train over 7 MRT stops..
Had dinner over a 3 minutes walk from the station to class..
Went home, trying badly to crash early..
On days that I do not have classes..
Went for late night runs..
Dinner at 10 plus..
Lesser time left for mommy and daddy..
Lesser time left for dear..
And the same cycle over and over again.

I wonder where is work life balance.

*****

Change

The world from another perspective

















=)

An embrace


-picture by the youngest bro-


*****

It Spells Finally



After what seemed close to 7 years..

Since the beginning of the year..
I dragged myself to work in all the midst of headaches and cramps.
1 km walk, 5kg bag load, bloody blisters.
Saved my leave painstakingly.
Refused to take leave unless I drop dead.
It paid off.
20 days of leave.

*****

Two Thursdays ago..
Saw the big patch of grey heavy clouds lurking dangerously around the area.
An impending storm.
Thought I could beat it by half running and half walking towards office.
But it caught me in the middle of nowhere.
No other shelters..
No bus stops, no refuge point.



Stunned, slumped, stranded.
Then rain came to a drizzle and I continued my way to office.
I settled down to clear the disorientation, and soon after a phone call came.
They called me up for an interview on the following Monday.

Monday came..
Albeit filled with extreme jitters..
I was determined to nail it.
Research research research.
Stayed up till late at night, went through the questions over and over again.
Big butterflies in my stomach..
And I supposed..
Being in a stagnant job for too long..
Fear for change inevitably makes its way unto you.

Right after the interview..
They asked for my references..
Wednesday I was told I got the job..
Thursday I signed the letter and did my medical checkup.
Friday I tendered.

After a week of crash handover..
The following Friday became my last day..
I seriously have no idea how people are able to job hop like nobody's business..
Going around doing proper farewells..
At least allowing people to know who to go for outstanding issues..
It's really tiring..

No matter how much frustrations I've been through in the company..
I want to leave amicably..
On a personal note, the colleagues are nice people in fact.
Human beings only become devils when it comes to work.

*****

The unknown does leech its phobia on me..
But after serious pondering..
That unknown is far more enticing as compared to hiding within the cubicle day after months after years..

*****

Random Thoughts Aplenty

For a while
I paused at the log in page.
Not able to remember the password..
The heaviness on the lids, on the mind, on the heart..
Seriously jaded with drudgery..
Seriously posed a mental block to inspiration.
Seriously messed up.

Sleepy and tensed up..
It's a vicious cycle in fact.
Too tired to bring myself to the bathroom..
To tired to bathe and prepare for bed every night.
Often found myself stoning by my desk as the clock ticked by..
I was supposed to sleep early but before I knew it, it was 1am.

What I have been up to?
I don't know.
Time is delirious too.


Met a lot of new faces..



*****

Ate a lot



From left to right:
Prawn noodle (Seah Im Hawker), chicken wings (Bao Today),Crunchie Bar,
Kinder Bueno, Macadamia Ice cream, Triple Chocolate ice cream
Finnish inspired salad, sweet plum, making cup noodles healthier,
Starbucks Tuna sandwich, sweet mango, Best salad ever (Coffee Bean)

Stuffed myself silly
It's really appalling what the stress hormones can drive you into..
Right after a full serving of vegetarian hor fun..
Daddy bought Ju Kuehs..
So I took two which were soaked in oil..
Then I took a Bueno
Then I took another kit kat.
And I went downstairs and bought two tubs of ice cream plus cones.

Don has imparted good salad making skills from Tuuli..
Who can imagine putting grilled prawns together with ham..
And mixing them with oranges, mandarin oranges, raw capsicums and cherry tomatoes..
I wonder what other Finnish cuisine can he come up with in July..

*****

After rounds of telling me he needs to get the air con fixed..
And then rounds of procrastination and reminding me he NEEDS to get the air con fixed..
I dragged my parents to Causeway Point Gain City Speciality store..
They have the best service.

Right after settling the paper work..
Brought them to Starbucks..
Hurhurhur..



Finally.



*****

This envelop clutch reminded me of a shopping loot that came in through the mail box..



Since the start of 2011..
This is me and me and me.



Dom came to stay over last weekend.
He asked if I wanted to play this with them..
I told them I have never heard of it.. =x



They shook their head..
They said I'm old already -.-

*****

Waiting.Jitters.



Change



*****

Unplanned Contigencies



*****





Giving assurance, reliability and quality to their customers..







*****

Alfresco at Prive
Eggs Royale



Best poached eggs.
Best brunch ever.

Another phase going down

A slurring month..
Drifted in and out of delirium.
Dreams overlapped reality..
Reality in dreams.

The mind became weak, the body gave in.
Suddenly everything became pointless for me to support anymore.
I stopped fighting the drudgery.
It came unto me.
The immense pressure piled on..
And the mood swings turned wild.
Three days of casting everything aside..
Naught enough.

The long route to work gave me nightmares.
Blisters and more bloody blisters.
Aching shoulders, slanting collar bone.
Round meeting tables..
Hypocritical faces.
People attended meetings without knowing the agenda.

The days ticked by like that.
Life becomes monotonous.
Even thinking what to have for lunch or dinner becomes irritable.
I have to watch my words.
I cant rant without people taking me too seriously.
If only..
Running away was just as easy as putting on my running shoes..

*****

Thoughts, a tonne too much, overloaded

I looked around the cabin..
One two three on my left..
Five six on my right.
Seven in front of me.
The eighth had his hand moved in a fishing motion.

I phones.

Everyone had their heads dug in some games or FB or tweets..
How many of us actually sit around and absorb our surroundings in its natural state..
Stand around to feel the tug and push and listen to the non local voices
And feel amused..
How many of us actually think about if we did something offensive to anyone that day..
Whether we had raised our voice at our parents or loved ones..
Whether we had stepped on a poor snail..?

How many of us get back to basics and read a book?
When was the last time we ever got close to nature?

Do we feel horribly insecure when we forget to bring our phones from home?
Can we leave home without our phones?
I can in fact :)

Technology got the better of us.
Reflections, none.

*****

I held on to my bowl of soup..
The table was dirty but I did not mind.
Was about to put the tray down when an old man came up to me.

"Hold on hold on, I'll help you clean first.."

So with the tall stack of bowls on his hands, he put them aside at the collection point.
Took out the cloth and wiped the table not once, but twice.
Even though with a slight hunch, I could tell he took pride in his work..

.......

I was speechless.
That surge of respect for him, that burst of gratitude..
Uncontrollably,
I smiled very widely and said a heartfelt thank you.
Then he went on to clean the next table and then another..

These are some of the few people who deserves all the salutation in the world.
They are people whom you will respect without any qualms.
Learning till they grow old.
Working till they grow old.
No complaints, no bad attitudes.

Along the journey in life..
We learn new things and develop our way of deciphering thoughts..
We picked up all things good and bad combined like a half soaked sponge.
As we grow older, our ego tends to inflate.
We no longer feel the need to learn humility because we think we know a lot.
We held on to the "experiences" in our comfort zone.
And then we preach to many others with our self deceptive know-it-all..

Sponge almost full..
With so much opinions in us..
How are we going to fill our brain with new stuff?

*****

Honestly speaking,
It was sleepless for the past few nights..
The second and last assignment for this module.
A concoction of many things combined.
Had to give ideas to not one but two classmates of mine on separate occasions..
And then they even sent me their essays to "review"..
I did not detest this.
In fact their questions made me brainstorm deeper..
They gave me ideas and boundaries all at the same time.

Perhaps I was attending to many matters at the same time.
Out with mommy and daddy to buy CNY stuff and I was busy sms-ing assignment ideas to them :(
Mommy was telling me something..
Daddy as usual, was grumbling to me at the same time.
Felt damn bad for not giving them my full attention.

Never had I utilised my brain beyond its max..
Split attention and I cant focus!
The minute I closed my eyes..
I dont sleep.
I see pictures..

Stress.

At least it paid off.
That exhilaration of hearing..

"Finally someone listens to me in class.."

After waiting for two hours and a half, finally met the trainer..
And what seems like 3 minutes, I cleared the module with a breeze.
That relief I supposed, is like skydiving off a plane.
That satisfaction, simply ecstatic.
The mentally drained mind suddenly ignited to life again.
It was a moment to relish.
And it's still one of the reasons why I really love studying.
The emotion right after exam, knowing that you did well..

Priceless.

After 3 minutes of assessment,

"So what do you think of my class? I've already marked you competent so you can go ahead and tell me bad things.."

LOL gosh..
How am I to tell her that she's really one of the best trainers I've ever come across without sounding sucked up?
Some of the classmates actually complained to me..
That she's not following the notes, giving us too much information..
Too haughty, too stuck up.
I thought she has all the right in the world to be proud and confident.

I'm not a natural speaker.
But I really meant this.

"Are you teaching any degree courses? I really think you should. The stuff you gave us, is really beyond the notes."

I love lecturers who teach beyond their notes and not read from power point slides..
It shows they know their stuff, and definitely the right person to look up to.
Honestly speaking,
She endears..
She makes me see things in another dimension..
She's even better than some of my Uni lecturers..

In just ten lessons,
She painted an extremely clear and defined picture of what and how management should be, how competent managers should run the show to ensure optimum service operations.
Far exceeded the experience I got from my six years in my current job.
Never have I enjoyed classes so much..
Her class was real fun.

*****

Life’s really busy for the past few weeks..

Buzzing around non stop..

Xmas is coming and it’s my favorite time of the year..

The year is ending with the anticipation of a better new year..

The mood is right, the atmosphere is light.

People give without the expectations of getting something back.

Gatherings happened not because they feel obligated to visit one another

But because people enjoy feasting together..

Very different from CNY..

2010 has been one filled with BIG decisions.

And it's good to end the year with more fulfillments I’m proud to call mine.

The mind has been running 24/7, even my weekends are not spared.

On one hand..

I know it’s sort of crazy to suddenly engage myself with so much concurrent stuff.

I’m really working myself to death..

Dead tired till I cannot sleep.

On the other hand..

The sadistic part of me actually misses this non-work related stress.

I miss studying.

I miss the stress of being back in school, being in class taking notes furiously,

I miss the attempt to fall asleep with my eyes open =)

Just that this time

The trainers are so interesting that it’s hard to fall asleep.

It’s more like attending seminars that allow you to share interesting experiences.

Probably by the end of the whole course

I can jolly well be an emcee for dinner and dance functions.

Bloody hell

The team mates practically ask me to do everything..

They gave me ideas in Chinese and asked me to translate.

They said they have never done power points

(Me too what, and it’s really not that difficult duh)

They asked me to present because they cannot speak well.

They told me no choice cos my IT and English is better than all of them -.-

Being busy is good..

Classes seminars meetings..

Stock take, migration, branding, research..

The big project coming up end next year..

And making sure never to compromise on running sessions and family time..

It’s late, but I’m trying to make up for lost time.

Really ought to kick myself for procrastinating for 6 years.

Doing things with a passion really feels different.

Really keeps you going no matter how tired you are..

Just that I need more time..

I need more quality sleep.

*****

Whenever Mommy is taking a break from cooking..

I'd whipped up something at home for myself.

5 lunch days and 2 dinner days a week is enough for me to get sick of eating out.

I'd rather boil some vegetables, crab sticks or mock meat in soup or add bee hoon if I'm really hungry..

(Whenever Daddy sees me do that, he would want some too hah)

Or I'd even make my own egg sandwiches with mashed potatoes..

And sometimes wrapping slices of honey baked ham with butterhead lettuce is satisfying too.

That night, as usual vegetables cravings.

Popped over NTUC to grab these stuff..



So this was dinner last Friday.


*****

Saw this on one of the random blogs..

Tried it for a good laugh.

1. Go to Google Maps.

2. Go to "Get Directions".

3. Type Taiwan as the start location A.

4. Then type China as the end location B....

5. Scroll all the way down, read STEP 24th of the directions.

Try the same with China as A and USA as B.

See 42 and 93.

WTH.