Thursday, February 19
The trip's finally done..
I was determined to follow it through.
And I did =)
Photos sorted out
All memories fruitfully recalled.
Somewhat a little empty inside now.
*Sheepish smile*
Shall let the pictures speak for the time being..
Xin Wang Cafe
Somehow became our hangout for casual dining everytime we patronised Marina Square.
Twice in a month..Same food both visits.o.0
Esplanade, Theatres on the Bay
Dear has never stepped foot there since its completion in Year 2002.
So we took a slow stroll around the bay..
At the beginning of the pathway towards Esplanade..We saw this very touching exhibition of Phillip Toledano's journal..Every picture came with a piece of his journal..Very warm and heartwrenching at the same time.."Days with my father"
"My mum died suddenly on September 4th, 2006.
After she died, I realised how much she’d been shielding me from my father’s mental state.
He doesn’t have alzheimers, but he has no short-term memory, and is often lost.
I took him to my mother’s funeral, and to the burial,
But when we got home, he’d ask me every 15-20 minutes where my mother was.
I’d explain carefully that she had died, and we’ve been to her funeral.
This was shocking news to him.
Why had no one told him?
Why hadn’t I taken him to the funeral?
Why hadn’t he visited her in the hospital?
He had no memory of these events.
After a while,
I realised I couldn’t keep telling him that his wife had died.
He didn’t remember and it was killing both of us, to re-live her death constantly.
I decided to tell him she’s gone to Paris,
To take care of her brother, who was sick.
And that’s where she is now."
This site is a journal.
An ongoing record of my father, and of our relationship.
For whatever days we have left together."
"I asked my father to look in the mirror, while I took his photograph.
Now, The things you have to realise about my dad is that he was a very handsome man when he was young.
When people talk about ‘film star handsome’, well, that was my dad.
In fact, he WAS a film star (of sorts), in Hollywood, during the 1930’s.
So when he looks in the mirror,
He sees a man ravaged, a man no longer beautiful,
and that upsets him deeply.
You see,
He’s still vain at 98.
In fact, his vanity can be quite extraordinary.
I tried to take him to the doctor a few months ago,
But on the way out,
he caught a glimpse of himself in the hall mirror.
He was so horrified with his appearance, that he refused to leave the house untilI found a ‘black pencil’ to dye his white hair with.."
"I find these scraps of writing all over the house…
They are a glimpse into his mind, the disquiet he tries to hide from me.
Where is everyone.
What’s going on.
How lost he feels."
"My dad spends enormous amounts of time in the toilet.
Because he has no short term memory, he can be in there for 2-3 hours at a time.
It’s both heartbreaking, and infuriating.
He’ll do his business, then stand up, and as he’s putting on his pants, say, “Wait a second - I have to go”
If you try and reason with him, and explain that he’s just gone, he’ll look at you as if you’re an idiot…"
"Eating is often a miserable experience.
I realise now why my mother cooked the same meals over and over, Towards the end of her life.
They were the only things my father would eat.
The ONLY thing he’ll eat with any regularity is eggs.
Scrambled eggs, egg salad, egg-drop soup from the local chinese.
He eats insane amounts of eggs.
And yet,
when I took him to the doctor recently, his cholesterol was down!
Maybe there are health benefits to an all-eggs diet!"
"Because my parents had me so late, my dad was essentially retired when I was growing up.
But for my ambitious, driven father, he wasn’t retired at all, just working on his next career.
Being an artist.
I have so many memories of him listening to opera, sketching, painting, sculpting.
Although he doesn’t paint anymore, he still sees. He still has the artistic impulse.
He was admiring the sunset,
Saying that he could make a ‘whole series’ of paintings around those wonderful colours…
The urge is still there, even if the physical ability is not.."
"Nothing cheers up my dad, like stories of my success.
So if he’s down, or obsessing about something, I’ll immediately conjure up a blossoming career.
I’m shooting for The New York Times.
The New Yorker.
Multi-million dollar advertising campaigns.
Sometimes it’s true, sometimes not.
But it doesn’t matter.
The important thing is to fill him with as much joy as I can.
His face bursts with happiness.
He’ll say “I have to tell ALL my friends, my son is famous!”
"I'm always amazed at my father's love for my mum.
It was a constant force, like sunlight, or gravity.
He never stops talking about her.
His gratitude for her love, for the relationship they had.
For the way in which she was the glue for our little family.
I love her so much but she drove me crazy.
My hair was too short.
My shirt too wrinkled.
I wasn’t standing straight.
She called me up once and told me not to go outside, because it was dangerously windy!
Now that she’s gone, I realize that I spent a lifetime resisting her influence, and now, I miss it.
I think she was right about almost everything..
She would have been very happy to hear me say those words."
"Sometimes, when we’re talking,
My dad will stop, and sigh, and close his eyes.
It’s then that I know, that he knows.
About my mum.
About everything."
We were too engrossed in reading the story as we walked down the pathway..
I was..
Very moved by this simple relation.
Did not take any pictures of the portraits up on the wall..
Obtained the above from the site:
Days with my Father
You can view the full story in the site too =)
Just,
Remember to cherish and appreciate
Your folks..
Your siblings
Your husband
Your wife
Your friends..
*****
CNY 2009
*I love my family*
*****
irony @
9:57 PM
