Saturday, January 7
Me Myself and I (Scene Two)
Me a baby (Take One)
I was the hyperactive devil..tomboyish kid..the subtle rebel..the ultimate pessimist..all the extremes combined into one me..a walking contradiction..and perhaps being a pessimist made me afraid of seeing ugly things..or rather the unhappy side of this world..maybe I’m too protected..or maybe it’s just my nature..I’m unsure..
I was born lively and active..got beaten up very often by my parents..my aunts..my grandparents..but I was still naughty..I knew I always brought tears and laughter to the people around me..I posed for the camera..tried to cross my fat baby legs..spoilt the new television set in my grandparents’ place..snatched ice creams from Don..who was then a toddler..crawled under my grandma’s legs..almost tripping her..I love to imitate and make believe..while the boy next door kicked a real football on the corridor, I went to the kitchen and found a ¼ filled kaya container and began kicking it..Inspired by some swordswomen drama..I loved to pin up my hair in the way which ancient ladies would..joined up straws from Macdonald and make believe that that is a sword..Unzipping mattress covers, I wriggled myself into it..and then rolled all over the room while I was in it..I made a “house” with standing mattresses and clothes pegs and imagined that to be my house..I came out with exam papers of my own and tempting all my brothers and cousins to do it with kit kats and chewy sweets..Still remembered how I wailed and ranted because my uncles refused to paint my room pink when we just shifted to our new home..When my mom is taking a noon nap while my dad was at work..I climbed up the stairs by hanging on to the outside railing all the way up to the 4th storey.. I was at most 6 years of age then..
Cheeky’s my middle name..
Me a Student (Take Two)
As I went on to primary school..the thought of school instilled fear in me..during recess..I would call home and begged mommy to come over..to accompany me to queue up for food..and I would end up crying if I cannot get through the line..dread filled me..I lost all my appetite..I would refuse to go to school..esp if I’m late..such fear and dread seemed to have toxical effects on me..I would run a fever..get diahrroea..cold palms..butterflies...The last year of my primary school..I had most fun..we walked around in groups..well-known to be the students of the well respected Edmund Tan..like we knew every single little thing we have to know about Naval Base Primary school..the haunted areas..the locked toilets..guys toilets..the roof access area..the hidden books in the library..during Teachers’ Day, Sir showed us a video clip of himself putting smashed eggs in the principal’s drawers..and he had eggs and flour thrown at him at the garden..geez…that was ultimate fun..Sir never got angry..he’s not the normal average teacher..in fact..he did not only teach..he made us experience things..made us independent and strong individuals..=)
During the transition to Secondary School, I became ultimately reserved..As what Sir used to say, some people easily build walls around themselves and refuse people into their lives..perhaps I’m one of them..I seldom talked..or maybe I mistook not to talk unnecessarily to not talking..I stopped talking all together..guess I’m not good at adapting to changes in my surrounding..I became all high and mighty to some and quiet to others..some guys even commented that I was the coolest girl in the class..because I don’t react to their nonsense unlike my counterparts.. The day where there's no “Class 1E7/2E7, please stay back for corrective work after school.." will be a weird one..Being in such a class, my coolness did..however..help me survive in the most notorious class in Sec One and Two..
I moved against the trend in the streaming of Secondary 3 even though my results made me qualify anywhere..everyone chose the Geography class..appeal here appeal there..cry when they dont get into the best class..I went to the Literature one..the "Dumping Class"..nobody wants to study Literature..it all so happened that this class turned out to have the most fun..with all various sports leaders in this segment..basketball male captain..volleyball male and female captain..badminton male captain..soccer male captain..all of us combined efforts..we won all interclass sports competions..got first in the cross country event..and that explained why this was another notorious class..our Literature teacher..as well as other teachers made us see life..we dont study boringly..blindly..inflexibly..studiously..hardly..haha..=P
As I proceeded to Nanyang JC, I wasnt at all mentally prepared..I merely followed the standard route..from Os to the As and to the U..again, my adaption was really horrible..I just could not get used of the idea of having to switch from a two hour plus lecture to another two hour plus of tutorials without any breaks in between..that was the time when I mastered the "art" of sleeping with eyes wide open..*__* Again..being in the Literature class did not help at all..worse..it was all play and no study..simply amused at this bunch of people who daily and religiously copied my homework that was filled with incredulous blanks..absurd answers and stupid mistakes..maybe I was the only one who bothered to read through the work but did not know how to do it..there was simply no one to ask around me..end up..Most of the copy cats went straight to NUS/NTU..for me..I ended up no where..Guess..my brains and luck were locked up somewhere in the cellar..=/
SIM-I love the place..love the school..love the lecturers..love the lecture theatres..love the lessons..made me feel exactly as if I were in NUS and NTU..I bucked up..became very studious all of a sudden..and looked forward to every lesson..jolting down notes furiously..and then do up my boring notes with lots and lots of colored pens..do my own research..study alone at the conducive libraries..Basically..I enjoyed what I was doing..which, it had been a while since I last put my heart and soul to enjoying my life as a student..and that was since my Secondary life..=) Facing with the stress of dealing with my students' exams and my own..I fell really ill during my first year..I had five students back then..giving tuitions six days a week..the fever would not go away for a week..I lost a quarter of me..lost my baby fats..my health deterioriated tremendously..yet..the giving of tuitions and managing my studies at the same time continued to my second year..fever again on the night before my 2nd year Accounting paper..But still, I did not stop giving tuitions..because I assured my parents before I started this course that I would not give them additional financial burden..I wanted to handle my own finances and expenses..I would do it..and I did it..My bank account frequently fell below a hundred..and worse, sometimes my students delayed payment which may drag on to the next week..really unbearable..=X Though these "hardships" stressed me out, I never regretted taking this path..at least..I struggled and emerged one piece..I see this as a learning experience..at least..I had a history of struggling for my own survival..and I would never take things for granted in future..if someone asked me..would I ever put myself into that position again? I would not hesitate..I do not mind..I even wished I could stay in that kind of a stressful period of time..though poor..my stress comes mainly from exams and my tuitions..nothing more..a simple stress not like the complicated one in the working adult world..=/
The Student Realm is a golden and priceless Utopia in the utmost mundane and disheartening life journey..
Me in Jersey Number 8 (Take Three)
Actively in basketball tournaments during the Secondary era..I was one of the first five..surprisingly as what my brothers and everybody teased me.."You in top five? Dont bluff la..so short..kena hit by the ball instead of you controlling the ball.." -___- my coach made me eat more..so that I wont fall everytime I got hit by someone..one thing I'm good at being small..I could squeeze my way through and yet maintained good ball control..heee..Consciously..I seemed to noticed people's attention on me..Jersey number 8..kids from other school wanted to know me..came up to me..asked for my phone number..asked if I wanna be friends..guys made noise whenever we passed..and I heard people chant my number..nevertheless..these are the sweet girlish reminiscence back then..=)
Actually, I enjoyed the team spirit that we have experienced even more..we travelled around Singapore to engage in friendly matches..from Anglican High to Cedar Girls to Raffles Girls to Bukit Panjang High to... Coach treated us like his daughters every after training..with huge sumptuous meals..of course..our training..the devilish training..what did we do? Let's see..basking in the 12 noon sun doing layups and lots of dashing across courrts..four times daily..the furious sweat glands accelerated my darkening process..just like what Peiyi and Jiesheng described..I was so tanned that I glowed..another ultimate..we were made to sprint up to 12 storeys five times of a nearby flat everytime the whole team dont meet the target of getting fifty balls into the net within a period of time..if my friend and I dont get twenty 3-pointers into the net in 15 mins time..all of us will run the 12 storeys..if we dont manage to complete one round of the stadium in 100 seconds, we'll run the 12 storeys..If we did not do the formations well, up the 12 storeys..Soon, we grew..from a badly dispersed team..to one who gradually emerged as a dark horse..all under our wonderful coach..our greatest achievement..was to beat the defending North Zone champions..though we did not get through to the Nationals, we did see and enjoy every single fruit of our hard labour..=D
Player No 8..the overly charcoaled ball controller and shooter..
Me on Examz (Take Four)
Since young..I've been trained up by daddy..no results are ever good enough if they werent full marks..this made me a perfectionist where exams are concerned..yet I never had exam luck..never exam smart..I was never the intelligent one..was never the straight As student..whatever topic I spot..definitely wouldnt come out..whatever I skipped during revision..it'll come out..but I know..whatever I sow, I'll reap..that explained why I studied hard..and not smart..yet..this may not be a bad thing after all..cos till now, I could actually still remembered what I've learnt at school..=E
I remembered how I took one particular exam very seriously..it was the day of the release of my Chinese Os results..I squeezed my way to the notice board..there..were a few lists of the Chinese Os results..all sprawled on three glass panels..as I searched anxiously for my name..there it was..B3..dizzy, I squeezed out of the crowd behind me..and suddenly felt as if I were in a daze..a basketball teammate came up to me.. “ How are your results? Must be A1 la..” Then the daze gave way to hot eyes filled with tears..I merely stood stiff in the middle of the foyer..and broke down..I know my friend was utterly stunned..then she stretched out to reach me..and I could only lean against her shoulders and started sobbing uncontrollably..not a word spoken..and soon the whole school got to know about this..gosh..I must have stunned everyone who got B4, C5, C6 or even D7..they were happy with their results..I got a B3 and cried like nobody’s business..Thereafter..I was determine to retake her Chinese exams..I refused to believe that I could not score an A1 even though my oral was just a mere pass..and I did it..
I queued patiently for my turn for my tutor to pass me my A Levels result slip..Having a bad feeling that I would not do well, I still harboured hopes.. “Maybe I may be lucky..and may get into Arts and Soci..” and then I smiled to myself.. “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best..” But as I saw that piece of paper on my hands..I told myself not to cry again in front of everyone..I took my slip to a corner..saw one of the classmates crying..another..and another..I fought back tears..damned..why wasn’t ZH there for me..why should he choose that time to meet his friends at their homes? I knew I could not blame anyone..going throught the As examinations was a disaster..I did not know what I was doing..at all..I wasnt prepared..did not have a full proof revision..and yet I tried to bluff my way through..soon..I found myself on an unknown SBS bus..went up to the top deck of the bus..sat there..and let my tears flow like a tap..I switched off my phone..cos I knew he would be calling me anxiously..let him be anxious..just where was he when I needed him the most? After ensuring my tears are dried..I alighted..unknowingly in town..I finally switched on my mobile..got to know that Jiesheng got some As..not unusual..it made me feel worse..but at least..someone I knew close to me was there even though he was on the other side of the phone..Peiyi also comforted me soon after..that made me feel much better..Thank you..
During this period of time..I cried..non stop..I had absolutely no idea where can I go..Should I appeal for NUS or NTU or SMU? The thought of trying to strive for something while knowing that there would be a risk of huge disappointment just made me turn cold..One of my beliefs in life..the more you try to strive for something..the more disappointed you'll get..so why risk getting disappointed for a person like me..since I can never handle disappointments well? Still, I submitted the application forms..the rejections came thereafter one by one..and each time that letter came..I'll tear..``__``
I did pretty well during SIM..I managed to grasp the techniques for examinations..and I loved my ability to do that..everytime when the exam period was near..I never had to worry anything..because mommy would not ask me to touch the chores..my brothers would suddenly give in to me..all I need was to concentrate on exams..I just could not explain how thankful and blissful I was..and I basked in the luxury of discovering new knowledge everytime I probe deeper into my notes..
Another kind of "exam"..the basic theory..the advance theory..and the final TP..perhaps..with a tinge of luck and my strong focus and determination to clear all of them..I did..smoothly..daddy was surprised that..me..yeash me..the one who almost drove a golf car into the lake could have gotten my licence..the one who would put my left foot and my right foot on the pedal at the same time could have cleared TP..but I did.. ^_^ It all seemed so surreal and a flash of the eye..=> Yeap..I could now officially drive on the expressways! Heehee..
Do not curse me..I'm an exam freak..Simply missed them..=P
irony @
4:25 PM
