The Insignificance and Vulnerability of Simplicity

Sunday, November 27

Mirror mirror on the wall..

Taking a really scrutinised look at myself in the lift mirror of Parc Oasis..I realised that I havent stopped in my tracks for a long time to take a good look at myself..All I saw now staring back at me..pufffy eye bags..fine laughing lines..worry lines..sunken eyes with red tiny veins..breakouts..dull skin..I know that I have not only become hagard..I have aged mentally..a lot..=/

The first thought that came to my mind when I heard about Dil's 21st Birthday..how should I ask Aunt Jenn if I can bring him along? Mom's told me before that Aunt Jenn actually discouraged her to allow me to hang out with dear..and since I have also been hearing that some of my aunts been talking behind me, I dont want to spoil everyone's mood..but then again..I'l may be making dear feel bad..feel so uncomfortable..and what if..okie, then maybe now's not the time since it's cousin's bday..but how come I felt so bad so sad? Then as these thoughts were runnning through my mind as I stared at the spectacular view of Chinese Garden..I suddenly miss him a lot..a lot..

Then one by one..my aunts came to me..asked me where he was..commenting to me that I was so silly to have worried about them disapprove him being there.. -__- yea..maybe I was silly..but on the overall, Aunt Jan explained to me that even though they may be uncomfortable, they will not interfere in my affairs as long as he treats me right..because this is my choice..yea well..I dont blame them..cos they cared for me too..=) Perhaps, I shouldnt be too bothered by how others might think or react..this is still..my life..

Thoughts running loosely now as the breeze brushed against my face..dear really did many things for me..especially today..a simple example..my instructors arranged a 7am slot with me for circuit driving..it's my fault for agreeing to this timing..even though I know it'll be very rush for me..but then dear suggested driving me there..-__- it's holy 7am in the morning! Even if he decides to go work..from BB to work, will only take hmm..about 15 mins? What is he gonna do so early at office? Yet still..he drove me to BB..then go work at Jurong..meet me again after a church wedding I've attended at Woodlands, and then drove me to Parc Oasis at Chinese Garden..??! Dear dear..sometimes I wondered if I'm in a dream..Never has anyone treated me that princess manner..never..and I have never thought that something like that will happen to me..independence has always been my middle name..till recently..I realised..my independence is faltering..

What can I do for him? What can I do to show that I care and appreciate whatever he has done for me? What can I do to reciprocate his considerations for me? He dont eat much..dont like people to da bao for him..whatever he needs..he's always in a better financial position to get it..Information? He's got them all..even more familar than anyone would know..policies and laws in Singapore..he knew them by heart..knowledge of cars? Isnt that obvious? Aint I helpless? My contact lens' giving me trouble..my Levis voucher's expiring soon..Peter's wedding..Dil's bday..driving lessons..TP soon..all these rendered me helpless and where cash flow is concerned..I'm feeling so damn down..I hated that feeling of having to worry for money..dear offered to help..but how can I accept further?

Guess I'm not much of a stress taker..what should the forever ignorant me do in a big big world like this? There's so much to learn..so much I want to know..so much I want to do..how should I go about it? Honestly..sometimes I just felt that there is nothing much I can share with dear where information or sourcing is concerned..he's just like the walking yellow pages..I just felt so helpless and insignificant..

irony @

3:59 PM