The Insignificance and Vulnerability of Simplicity

Thursday, August 18

Keeps me wondering..so I thought his actions gave him away..the more excuses you try to give, the more you give yourself away..sad..dont have to announce to the world..yes..but why avoid? Why avoid when someone familiar is nearby? I just threw a simple question..does anyone in MM know about him..? He faltered..did reply..but with more disposition to give his thoughts away..if possible..gives me a feeling that he'd rather no one knows..

He wanted to go somewhere near..we both thought of BK initially..he saw some familar faces..changed mind..claiming that the queue in..especially BK, indicates that we will have to wait very long..end up went to our usual place..further away..but are we safe? Nah..worse..saw a bunch more familar..a bunch who has a high tendency of stopping me at the door..not letting me pass..a bunch whom I need to speak to daily for purchases..to pass by daily to go to the ladies..all giving me weird looks @_@''' Maybe it's not a good day to step out in public today..felt like a confined celebrity..hot on the heels by some paparazzi..

Maybe I have a flair for observations..a flair for body language analysis..or maybe myabe I'm wrong..one moment an urge to let people know..one moment turned around in a frozen expression upon discovery..what's that facial expression I spotted on his face? I admit it outrightly..I am afraid of people knowing..but I'm not one who says " they will realise it sooner of later..people will know sooner or later" and then froze upon discovery..I'll get affected when spotted but extremely disorientated if he's more affected than me..why?

I wish to know..where's the courage that once possessed him to convince me everything's not so bad..that everything will turn out to be fine..? Let people talk..let them say whatever they want..yes..he's available and I'm available..but do they see it that way? Maybe he's like me..expected this will come one day..not knowing it's so soon..and was never prepared for it..Let's see what this can do to me..what's my outcome/fate in Joo Koon? Go bersek..insane..?! Feeling extremely rotten..Perhaps time will change everything..to the better? Just have to be patient with the transition stage..how ironic..radio's playing "Dont Lie..what you gonna do when it all comes out..no no no..dont lie.."

irony @

5:05 AM